Seroquel Tablets and a Bottle of Feelings

I. Hate. Feeling.

It sucks. Every little second of it. It’s stupid and I don’t want to do it anymore. I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS. Well, maybe I did. Thanks, therapy.

I have uncorked all of my feelings and now I can’t help but cry at the drop of a hat. (Yes, granted I’m all hormonal and PMSie, but still.)

Yesterday memories of my molestation were flooding over me in vividity. I cried intense tears over my ex-boyfriend’s brother’s suicide. I cried about that relationship, about my dad, about this and that and ahhhhh. Everything is happening all at once. It’s overwhelming.

All I can do is recoil into my safe little pocket of the system. I feel awful for pushing others out, but it’s just a survival tactic. It’s what I’m used to doing; it worked so well as a child. I’m working on it, though.

In other news…yesterday I saw my psychiatrist. I was in there for 10 minutes.He asked me about my meds, told me to bump up the Lithium to 900mgs. Seroquel stays at 75mgs. I asked him what I could do when I’m having bad flashbacks, hallucincations, etc… He advised me TO DOUBLE UP ON MY SEROQUEL……

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Has anyone else had this advice? Isn’t that… not safe? He actually told me that I can fluctuate my Seroquel as I see fit, “it’s not a big deal.” When I’m having an episode, he told me to just bump it to 300mgs. I’m sorry, I’m at 75…. if I go to 300 I feel like I’d be in a coma.

He didn’t ask me any questions. Wham bam done, new script filled, oh see you in two months!

75 to 300. Seems legit…

 

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