Flashbacks on the Shed Floor

The last thing I remember was pulling down Senka’s arts and crafts down from the high shelf because she wanted her coloring books.

Next, I remember laying down on some kind of a wood floor, a man kissing me, making shushing noises, telling me to please be quiet. I felt hands go over my mouth, up my shirt, and down my pants. I heard children in the background and I could hear myself screaming, but it didn’t feel like I was screaming. He smelled like old cologne. I remember a police officer asking me what DID stood for. I asked the officers for a rape kit, but they wouldn’t provide one. I remember them asking me to identify him. I thought I was raped. It’s blurry…. I remember being in her car… it blurred again. I woke up and he was laying next to me staring at the ceiling.

I dissociated for hours.

My ex-girlfriend, roommate and he have been filling in the details and missing pieces. Senka was coloring, then I – or someone – left to use the restroom. I locked myself in the room. He was trying to get me to come out. I climbed out of the bedroom window and bolted down the street, I’m assuming. My ex found me in a shed at the Home Depot by my apartment. I was panicky. The man that was in the shed with me was giving me $60. He claims that I told him I needed money, so he was just giving me money to help me. He said he didn’t touch me or harm me. Even if I was having a flashback, I remember so vividly his hands and lips on me. I wish I knew what was real.

The police were called. They got statements from everyone. In the end, they concluded that he in fact hadn’t harmed me and I was just having a flashback.

I haven’t dissociated that intensely in a long time.

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