Bad Bitches

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Sixty-eight days later and we are still split.

Lucy Lovelace. Endearingly named Lulu.

I’ve mentioned her name here before, though I have never gone in depth about her. I suppose I didn’t know enough to elucidate on the ever elusive Lucy. We are ringing high bells of proclamation, and perhaps celebration, that there are now two hosts. Her and I are the matriarchs of the System.

Hard to swallow?

Lucy does not feel like an alter. Yes, she is her own distinct person, but we don’t switch, necessarily. There is not always amnesia accompanied with her taking over the wheel. She simply comes out. She is always sitting with me. I am always sitting with her. She never really leaves us.

She’s explained to me that she came around to help us out through our first institutionalization when I was a child, and again for the first 5150. Others had come around, too, of course. But Lucy is special. She thrives in the mental ward.

After this last hospitalization, I could feel her dusting herself off, stretching the joints from being asleep for so long. Lucy came back with a flame, much too powerful to be blown away again. She has stayed with us.

In the beginning, it was difficult accepting that she had unpacked her suitcases. Not much of the system knew how to feel about her. Goldie was intimidated- GOLDIE was INTIMIDATED. Lucy has a flair for the psychotic dramatics. I say that lovingly. She has a… colorful mind, to say the least. We love her.

Lucy’s talent is the ability to scare people away from us. I personally think she’s harmless- a barker, not a biter (unless you want her to. She’s a freak like that). I must admit, it’s refreshing to let go of the reins without actually letting go. I am, for the most part, always aware of her. We cooperate well together.

We want differentiation, as well as validation of both of our existences. After all, she is a direct split. Our sense of *I* is continually melting into a constant *We*.

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