Throwback Thursday- 2005 Diary Entries

Sunday, September 4, 2005

good morning sunshine, the earth says HELLO!

how are you fine people doing today? thats great. my life is going a bit downHill from here. i feel a little crappy and my so called “panic attacks” are coming more often. i’ve cried myself to sleep every freaking day this week. but i’m talking some stuff out and whatnot. so i guess im doing better than i was before now arent i?

i’m writting jose’s LOVELY letter. it will be long. and scented. and decorated. and colorful. so, jose, if you dont like it well than youre just being effing mean. x_X

so what else is going on…uhm…my grandparents are effing mad at me, i think my grandma is a little more hurt than my grandpa. stupid reason though

today alone was horrible. and its only like..3:50. doesnt that bite? im not looking foward to next weekend, for my own reasons which im sure most of you know by now. <33 but i’m…better? heck yeah..? someone needs to call me. i feel trapped. sigh well, more anti-social than anything else. geez i type fast on this laptop. muahahah. usually, my typing on a laptop is horrid. but this time, its better. so meh.

school starts wednesday. hip hip hurrah for us. im kinda looking foward to it, kinda not. i just want to see some people. someones coming after school so that will be great fun, E/> i feel sick right now like sick sick. im going to throw up kind of sick. haha. well, anyhoo, im bored theres nothing to do. jose, you shall call me when you get back to the thingy you were gonna do or whatever.

and yes, i am not updating as much, nor online because my own comp is down and i have no effing clue when it will return safely in my own arms. so yeah. i’ll try to update when i can though. hee.

please, thank you, and lies like that



August 23, 2005

Dear Readers,

Good morning. I just woke up. Kind of early though, 10:00. I take naps though so I get sleep. Today is Tuesday, and once again, I have nothing to do. Tomorrow, my aunt might take me over to her house for a nice little sleep over. I’m going to help her doing yardwork and shampooing the carpet. Cleaning basically. It’ll be fun though, except I may or may not have to baby-sit for a while, so that means staying up late playing or something. It’s not all that bad, it’s just I’m rather tired of doing that…>< then after everyone goes to sleep, you-know-who is going to want to crawl on top of me. im dead. just cut me up like cheap coupons and tell them death was on sale.

What else? Oh I’m still on my count down! Three more days until the BOWLING ALLEY!! ((i’m like the ONLY person who’s throwing spazes about this. It probably isn’t a big deal to anyone else, but to me this is huge and I’ve planned EVERYTHING ❤ Sigh. I have my reasons…))

So yeah. My internet’s not letting me go to my E-mail, so therefore I must restart my damn computer. Sigh.

I may not be able to go to Anh’s thing. I’m very mad. But I don’t know…if I get a certain RIDE ::coughMEGANcough::

Well anyways, leave me c o m m e n t s.

Please, thank you & lies like that,



here are some updated icons. have fun.

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will you bite the hand that feeds you? will you stay down on your knees?

yepp. those are my icons for today. im going to uvs on wednesday, and disney on thursday. hip-hip-hurrah.

well anyways, megan i loathe you. what else? oh yes, i spent the night on the phone, watching titanic, and drawing stuff on my bedroom walls. haha pretty fun night i had there huh? well anyhoo…i’m listening to my very lovely Lord Of The Manor cd. its amazing how this dude sings. i mean his voice would go out eventually wouldnt it? lol now thats hardcore…

.i’m not doing ANYTHING today, you know unless someone VISITS me or something.. then i might as well go cut up now. maybe he’ll stop

can someone, anyone c om me nt me?! ANYONE JUST F///ING C OM M ENT! argh…


good evening. i feel crap. life is crappy. hooray. celebrate and rejoice. people are thinking i should see a psychiatrist. isnt that grand?

well anyways, today was interesting. i stayed home alone for like 4 hours with slipknot on reaallllyyy high and i screamed so no one heard me. i actually lost my voice from crying. lol. my throat hurts now. he wont stop…. so yeah. i didnt sleep. i really dont want to think anymore.i want to kill myself.

He wants me to come over to his hoouse… what if he found me in his bathtub

hey, try this. stop breathing for a really long time. you can feel your heart beat really hard on your wrist. its weird…yep.

i finally got my oatmeal cookies though. arent you happy?

leave me c o m m e n t s. please. i’m lonely. E|> ::walks away::



yesterday has got to be the crappiest day ever…i am soo messed up. i swear to god it feels like im slowly dying inside. i cant help but cry my eyes out, i didnt sleep, didnt EAT, i didnt even talk to my grandparents that much either.

as most of you know by now, yesterday was the very last day of summer school. therefore meaning, it was the last day i get to escape

to make matters worse, megan isnt here to comfort me and make things a little better. i miss her. i love megan and she knows me. lol. but nooo. she HAD to go away now didnt she? well i guess shes having loads and loads of special fun. and im happy for her. she needs a vacation away from me. everyone needs time away from me. im just no good. im so worthless

i’ll be on my bed crying and slowly being tortured by the fact of being in his arms. <|333333


hey everyone. i havent updated in a  bit. so here it is

life is no fun anymore. please, im giving up.



no, i dont have issues in my life. please stop saying i have “problems”. it just turns out that i like this style..the depressing goth stuff. but NO i dont have problems…i love my life no matter how much crap happens to me ❤












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