My mom feels dead to me.

My arms, my legs- I tried to feel something early this morning. I clutched onto my stuffed animals. I relapsed and I hurt myself. All I can think is why don’t you want me?

I told myself to hold on to the anger. Don’t sulk. Don’t you dare throw yourself a pity party.

I’m here, standing in the room with a party hat on, etched wrists and noise maker in hand.

I think I need a hug.



4 thoughts on “Etch-a-Sketch

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    *hug* it’s not a pity party. Your feelings are valid and it’s ok to grieve the relationship that you never got to have. The failings belong to the adult , not the child. There was nothing wrong with you that damaged your relationship with your mother.


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