Magic Man

We were out at a bar in Hollywood on Saturday night- 1970s themed. As soon as my feet hit the carpet of the bar, I could feel Dee vibrate.

A while later, Magic Man by Heart came on overhead- Dee’s favorite song. I was feeling just fine. While sipping my drink, I told my girlfriend about this song…

When I was around 12-years-old, and before Michael (my perpetrator) was abusing me, he was still spending some nights at my house. There were these two girls who were best friends- Brooke and Edie. I had a massive school girl crush on Edie. They were born in the wrong era. Brooke was free-loving, flower-wearing hippie and Edie sported long, straight blonde 70s hair. She was vibrant, friendly, popular, out-going, beautiful.. she had a vinyl record player and was a straight-edge.

Back before blogger, facebook, myspace, etc, there was Xanga. Posted on their Xanga pages, they publicly broadcasted their love for Heart, The Ramones, Jimi Hendrix, The Grateful Dead, etc, etc.

I wanted to embody Edie. She was SO cool and I wanted so badly to be like her and to be LIKED by her. So, one day after school, I took a white poster board and scribbled in big letters “Bands I Love.” I’m not sure what point I was trying to make… but there on my bedroom wall above my bed were all these bands, bands that I had no idea who they were.

The next day, Michael saw my poster board and asked flatly, “Do you even know who these bands are?”

“Of course I do!” I snapped. He looked at me doubtfully, then opened his laptop. He played Magic Man.

“Who is this?” he asked me as I stared blankly back at him. He sighed, “Okay, if you don’t know who this is, do you know the name of the song?” Nothing.

For the next few weeks, as we would have our tutoring sessions, he would play songs and quiz me on the bands and song titles. It was a really fun time. Before he fucked everything up, this is my favorite memory of him. He had become such a father figure for me. I loved that I could make him proud. I loved learning about music, and laughing with him, looking forward to tutoring after school.

I told him about my crush on Edie and he accepted me. He didn’t make me feel bad or weird about it. He was the very first person I talked to about my sexuality. Later on, he would take advantage of it, but at the time, I was so very appreciative of his open mind and his support.

He encouraged me to “go after the girl,” another fond memory as it felt like yet another father-daughter moment. He helped me rehearse what I would say to Edie, how I would say it. Then, the day came. I went up to her, swallowed my fear, and with sweaty palms, I asked her if she liked Heart. She beamed and proceeded to tell me that it was her favorite band. We became friends. Then, a year later she moved back to the east coast with her family. I am still friends with Brooke to this day. Edie went missing about 5 years ago, and no one has heard from her since.


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