11062015

I feel fucking hollow. I can barely feel anything. I am black- the opus- the shroud. I am the shadow.The girl is dead. We have buried her in the wood with her animals. I feel open and scared, vulnerable. I want to cry but have nothing left. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself I want to kill myself. I want to feel nothing. I want to sleep under water. I want to feel warmth. I want to taste heroin in my mouth. To pick up my body, lifeless, limp and rested, peaceful. But I am here, I am here. Im not going anywhere. I miss everyone. I want to crawl under the sheets and sink. I miss my dad. I wish I knew the man who gave me his depression.i want my mom. And I want her to hold me. I want my girlfriend to swallow me into safety from myself. I don’t want to hurt. I miss Michael before he was the monster. Im sick again. I’m sick and I feel completely sad and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to climb a building and peer over, just keep peering over. And fly.im scared. Im scaring myself. This isn’t me its not me. Its not. Im not like this. Im happy, im a happy person. I have the world at my fingertips. But I feel disgusting. Love me, please love me, babe, tie me down with your loving arms and hands and keep me there until I calm down.

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