A while ago, I promised my personal story in regards to the Church of $cientology. So, this post is going to be a Co$ link dump + an autobiographical recollection of my experiences.
First things first. If you pick up any Scientology book, the first page says this (in so many words),’Never go past a misunderstood word (MU abbreviated). The reason for confusion and boredom is because a person has gone past a word they did not fully understand.” Makes sense. Thus, for the sake of keeping this informational broadcast traditional, I’m going to define certain terms for you all so you’re not scratching your heads in wonderment. The full glossary can also be found here.
Scientology (noun)- a religious system based on the seeking of self-knowledge and spiritual fulfillment through graded courses of study and training. It was founded by American science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard (1911–86) in 1955.
Auditing (noun)- The action of running Scientology or Dianetic processes on a PC (a preclear; someone receiving Scientology processing). Auditing usually involves a Meter, with the PC holding onto the soup cans electrodes, and the Auditor taking down notes and asking questions.
Sea Organization (noun)- The Sea Org, the commanding and controlling element in the cult, partly working off ships, partly land-based at Flag in Clearwater, FLA, the Cedars Complex in Los Angeles, and other places. Think of them as the Navy of Scientology. SO members give their life (literally. Hence the Billion Year Contract) towards expanding Scientology globally.
The Bridge (noun)- The bridge to total freedom; the list of auditing actions needed to get to the highest OT (operating thetan) level.
Reg (noun, verb)- Register, registrar or registration. To sell Scientology services or the salesmen of the Org. “Your next step after course completion is to see the Reg, Sally.” In Sea Org context, to reg or to be regged means to be recruited.
I was introduced to the Church at the ripe age of 12 years, after I had been hospitalized. My family was looking for a permanent psychiatrist to help me. My (half)brother caught wind of this and scooped me up. Remember, he’s 28 years my senior. I was taken to his primary auditor, (for the sake of anonymity, let’s call her Valle) and so it began. Valle is a world-class auditor, winning the Top Auditor Award 8 years in a row. She’s the best of the best in the world of Scientology. And here I was, 12-years-young, vulnerable, impressionable, and utterly depressed. Valle and I established, at that moment, a decade-long relationship of not just Auditor-Client, but mother-daughter. Valle is what they call a “Field Auditor.” This means that she operates as her own service, like a 1099. She is of course affiliated with the Church and the Org(anizations), but she does not report to them. Field Auditors are typically paid more and are highly trained.
A couple years went by. I was going up the bridge, as they say. I was receiving auditing, taking courses, and everything was going great. I was gaining a lot from the knowledge I was receiving and I remember feeling a lot more capable. I was more in control over my life. Then, the molestation occurred between my 38-year-old cousin and I. I spun out of control.
When I was 14, I attempted suicide for the first time. (Although, really, it was the second time unbeknownst to everyone- or to anyone. But that’s another story) My brother had me pack my bags to stay with him for a couple weeks- that turned into 4 years. Since I was living with my grandma, the family agreed it was best to give my nana a break from the “teen drama.”
I remember the car ride to his apartment. I told him about my uncle, about the sexual abuse that had been going on for months, explaining the large gashes all over my wrists and throat. His solution was to get my cousin into auditing.
Weeks went by. My cousin was seeing Valle, receiving therapy, etc. One day, my brother picked me up from school a little early and said we were going to have a family meeting. He drove me to Valle’s office. Sitting in the room was Valle and my cousin. Within that 2 hour long family therapy session, I had carefully constructed the brick barrier around myself that stands tall and erect today.
I was told to take responsibility for my actions. Because in Scientology, they believe we are spiritual beings. We have no age- our bodies age, but we are All Knowing Beings. At 14, I had to apologize to my abuser for seducing him, for keeping him away from his family, for being manipulative. At the end of the session, I had to hug him. And for this moment, I hate my brother for not protecting his little sister.
Years went by. I continued to see Valle. However, now, I was engrossed with Scientology. I say this because I mean this with ever fiber of my being: Scientology brainwashes you. I don’t know how exactly. Maybe it’s the false sense of security, the feeling of being more powerful than everyone else in the world… for me, I felt as if I belonged. It’s a cult. That’s all it is. A really fucking expensive cult. I had been uprooted from my home, from my family. I felt accepted here and loved. I allowed them to take my person.
Fast forward a few more years, I’m 18. I had attempted suicide again. After I had been discharged from my 5150, my brother, once again, scooped me up from my apartment with my belongings. I moved in with Valle. From there, I had become much more involved. One of the Missions (like a church Org, but smaller) was down the street. I joined staff there whilst continuing a 6 hour schedule of auditing.
Sea Org members began to notice my allegiance to the Church. I was a hard worker, I cared about humanity, I was friendly and competent. Soon, I was regged RELENTLESSLY- for WEEKS. They would find me, show up at my door at 11 PM. They once followed me to my car and wouldn’t physically allow me to close my car door. One night, I found myself in one of the recruitment rooms (unbeknownst to me). As they were showing me a briefing video, which I am now convinced is laced with subliminal messages, they had snaked my cell phone away. I went into a panic when I realized I didn’t have communication to anyone. I ran out of the room, up the street of the complex. I was restrained by two recruiters and literally carried back to the room while I was crying and screaming. They somehow managed to convince me that it was just my mind playing tricks, and that I really truly DID want to sign my contract.
I signed my Sea Org contract when I was 18. I sold my belongings, cancelled my health insurance (per their request), and promptly stopped taking my Ativan medication. I cancelled my phone service, deleted my Facebook account, because you’re not allowed to have contact with anyone once you’re routing into the Sea Org. Yes, including family. I made this leap for them. I was routing in with my then-best friend, because she signed her contract, too. She routed in no problem. But then, I was pulled into the Ethics Office. Because of my recent past with the 5150, I wasn’t allowed to route in.
I had a seizure that night and was taken to the ER. The seizure was due to Ativan withdrawal. I had no medical insurance. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t even have my cell phone. I spent the next 9 months hopping from sofa to sofa, searching for work. (I finally found the job I have now- which is Scientology affiliated) Within that time frame, I fell into a severe depression. I contacted Valle, asking for a session because I felt that I may kill myself if I don’t get help. She refused to have any contact with me until I felt more stable and not suicidal anymore…because I would be a liability to the Church if I killed myself under their care…
I just came to a realization one day in the car while riding to God knows where. I don’t know what I was thinking about. But I realized how absurd the Church seemed to me…and I laughed. For 20 minutes. I just laughed at how fucking stupid it all was, and how stupid I was for actually believing the shit I did. I mean, I actually BELIEVED this shit. I believed in the Xenu story- which by the way, I’ll post the video. But real quick, in regards to Xenu…for those of you that are already semi-familiar…the reason Scientologists deny this as true, is because they are told that if you tell ANYONE about the Xenu story before they are ready to hear it, they will fall ill with pneumonia and die. I fucking swear.
The thing about the church is they are VERY adamant about warning their members NEVER to read, listen to, or divulge in what they call Black PR. Meaning, ANYTHING that goes against Scientology or questions it is literally forbidden. If you do happen to read something, you are to attack it, report it, and ignore it. Hello!?!?! What the FUCK was I thinking?!? Cult 101!!!
I was conditioned to ignore the truth. But luckily, I came to my damn senses and I researched the hell out of everything. It’s all so comical. $45,000 later, I realized it all. There’s so much more I could write about, but none of that matters anymore. What matters is getting the truth out there.
I highly recommend Tory Christensen’s YouTube videos for anyone that is slightly interested in learning more about the Co$. She’s also a personal friend of mine, and she is divine.
Here’s an example of Training Rudiments in the church
Xenu.net – Operation Clambake. You can find all sorts of gritty details here regarding the Church, L. Ron Hubbard, the Sea Organization, lawsuits against the church, etc.
Here’s a 7 min intro video on OT III, aka the story of Xenu. Yes, this is real. Yes, it’s factual.
My favorite book regarding the Church and her escape…Beyond Belief by Jenna Miscaviage, niece of David Miscaviage, Chairman of the Board and current leader of the Church of Scientology. Worth the read. I’ve read it twice.