I went back to work today after going to my second day of IOP…
I’m struggling with cravings pretty badly today. I want to crush a Norco so bad…good GOD. Since last night, I’ve been nearly drooling for the high. Or anything, really. A glass of wine would do. But fuck it- I don’t want to suffer through the same consequences as I did before. Maybe I’ll drag myself to a meeting.
Groups went alright today. There wasn’t anything too outstanding. I’m happy to tell you that the Seroquel is working and I’m on day 3 of zero hallucinations!!!
So, I went back to work. It felt so strange returning to the office. My boss asked lots of questions, trying to figure out WHY exactly I was gone. I kept it vague, though. We agreed on a part time schedule so I can continue on with outpatient. The conversation was fairly painless. I had a lot of work to catch up on; 91 emails and lot’s of projects. I felt a bit overwhelmed.
Then, I went to talk to my Senior VP. Let me just say that this guy is awesome. He isn’t affiliated with Scientology whatsoever. I told him the truth about where I had been and what my treatment looks like in the future. He was SO supportive. He told me that my health was his priority, I should take as much time as I need to fully recover mind, body, and spirit, and he also let me know that I have his support and if my boss starts getting nosy, to let him know immediately. WHEW. Seriously, what a relief off of my shoulders!
That was my day. I still feel wildly triggered for some damn reason. I also feel anxious. I’m just fighting the urge. Even to self-harm…I don’t know what’s going on with me today.