I was tossing and turning all night. I’d like to thank my anxiety for that. I kept running work through my mind, my new meds, tasks I have to complete this week. Oh my.
>________O How I feel.
I’m uploading a new video onto my channel, Ask a Schizophrenic Anything, and thought I’d post the transcript here.
ASK A SCHIZOPHRENIC – (note, I have Schizoaffective Disorder, so slightly different. I’ll answer the questions based off of my personal experience with the schizophrenia side of it)
Do you get voices through the TV? Yes, more often than that, through the radio for some reason. When I’m manic, I’ll hear them talk to me through the television and narrate my actions that I’m doing right then and there.
How do you fight depression? In the past, I’ve self-medicated via alcohol and opiates. However, I find that writing helps me purge. Especially social blogging; I’m able to receive feedback from the audience and that also helps me realize I’m never alone.
Do you take drugs? Street drugs, no. Alcohol, I’m struggling with. Meds, yes.
What medications are you on now? I am currently taking 600 mgs of Lithium, and today I’ll receive an antipsychotic.
What has helped the most? My support net, my girl friend, writing, going to group therapy now has helped a lot this passed week.
Why do you look tired? I operate off of little to no sleep on a weekly basis. In the throes of psychosis, I’ll stay awake with the hallucinations.
Why is your weight keep changing? My weight has been pretty consistent (I think), fluctuating between 94-100 lbs. After my 5150, I had gone from 125 to 100 in 3 months due to not taking care of myself and anxiety. I was so tormented by the paranoia that I stopped eating in fear that someone had a voodoo doll of me and they would stab me if I ate.
Do you ever get consumed with things? All the time. It’s usually with new things I learn about. For example, religion. Consume is a fantastic word for it. I learn everything there is to know about that particular item. I’ll model my life around it, study it from every angle.
How do you deal with delusions? I really don’t know how I deal with them. I suppose in the past, I’ve had someone there to tell me, “Hey, you’re being delusional.” As far as hallucinations go, I try to calm myself down by taking deep breaths. Although, there are several times where I’ve had someone tell me that I was hallucinating and I didn’t believe them
Can you tell when you are delusional? No. Afterwards, I’ll be able to kind of look at it and think….okay maybe I was delusional….but even then, I’m unable to admit 100% that it was a delusion.
Have you ever taken Haldol, Clozerel, or any psychoactive drug? Not yet.
Do you feel paranoid? Currently, no. I have struggled with paranoia in the (recent) past. I’ve been paranoid that my life was a gameshow, totally convinced that everyone around me was plotting against me and they were “in on it”. I used to think someone had a voodoo doll of me and if I felt an itch on my body, I would have a panic attack because I didn’t want to scratch it and let the orchestrator know the doll was working. I’ve been terrified (and I still am) of someone stalking me and trying to shoot me down.
How is your sex life? Currently with my SO, it is….. fantastic….without getting into details 😛 oh my. In relevance to this questionnaire, having Schizoaffective Disorder, specifically the bipolarity, it has affected my sex life and actions. I have had dramatic in fluxes of promiscuity. I’ve been driven to prostitution.
When do you tell a significant other about your schizophrenia? It was only more recent until I was officially diagnosed (was diagnosed with bipolar type I when I was 16). I would tell them pretty early on. That’s just me. It kind of serves as a disclaimer. “Hey, I’m really awesome, I’ll make you great food, I’ll rock your world, but you gotta know something first….”
What is dating like for you? In the past, dating was very sporadic. I jumped around a lot with a new girlfriend here, new boyfriend there, polyamorous relationship in the middle of it all. Dating has also been a flippant sport for me. Now, I’m more tamed. I’m in a relationship and I like it!