While I’m Coherent

Well, today was a walk in the park.

The highlight of my day was when I was at my desk at work, and suddenly a group of wily voices decided to describe in detail how I could kill myself by breaking the window next to me and slicing my jugular vein.

I had a grand anxiety attack afterwards. I almost fainted. My heart was racing, my stomach was cramping, my palms got sweaty and cold. All the while, these voices are swimming in my head, making me more anxious. I dry heaved and cried more onto the bathroom floor. I wanted to hurt myself just to distract myself from what was happening.

I just kept crying. All day. Just crying. I am feeling more and more insane everyday. I called another psychiatrist today, left a voicemail. I’m tempted to just go back to my other psych and pick up my script. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on- and coherently, too.

My boss asked me what I was planning on accomplishing the next week. What spilled out of my mouth was something like, “I…there’s….one time…um, next….I’m going to…” He got a bit frustrated.

I also got very little done at work in general. It’s so hard to concentrate.

I keep seeing people pass me by in the peripherals.


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