Fifty Days, Goodbye Heroin

Micah came back early this morning to tell me I had 50 days left. Then, he walked out of my bedroom. I could have been dreaming.

Allie is here, though quietly. She seems disturbed, perhaps even distracted. Celia is gone completely. Micah is more active now. I feel more of a connection. I wish I could explain it.

I feel a lot more attentive today. I also haven’t been drinking as much and have stopped doing so in the morning. My dealer, or shall I say ex-dealer, texted me last night with a nice offering of fine china. I told him to fuck off and blocked his number. From one addict to my readers, I’m shitting bricks over the fact that I just possibly ruined that relationship. It’s for the best, but thinking about it makes me anxious.

Also, my mom called me from an unknown number today. She didn’t answer, though. It made me panic just slightly. It couldn’t have been a pocket dial because she had never called me from that number. It MUST have been her since it was a South Carolina area code. It makes me nervous. I haven’t heard from her in almost two weeks. The last thing she told me was she was going to call the shelter to try to get away from her abusive, ex-convict, drug-addict husband. I’m still worried.

Overall though, as of right now, I’m alright. I’m just anxious over the fact that if I really wanted to get my hands on my-dear-friend-h, I’ve pissed off my provider. Just the thought of ‘I can’t’ makes my stomach turn.

You’re proud of me, right?

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