Pour, Drink, Sway, Repeat

Pour, drink, sway, repeat.

Pour, drink, sway, repeat.

My boyfriend says I’m an alcoholic and drug addict. He was telling me last night that he’d like to go to NA meetings with me. I definitely don’t think that’s the case.. except that I have oxycontin waiting for me, patiently. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t.

One of our mutual friends was over last night with the heroin sniffles, coming down. ( I know it so well. The sniffles, watery and dark eyes, rubbing his elbows and joints from the slight withdraw, sweating) I could see the impressions on his arm from injecting and I couldn’t help but stare. It was a vampiric feeling…I could feel my eyes dilate, my breathing fell heavier. He talked to me a little bit about it. I talked about my parents. I think it triggered me because it took a lot of strength not to go for the norco in my purse. (I didn’t)

What a mess I am. I’m all over the place. Self destruction seems to be a hobby for me.

What a fucking joke. This isn’t a pity party. This isn’t an excuse for “poor me.”

I also hate that my short term memory is going out the window. Even things from last week and such. I can’t remember shit that people bring up.

Fuck, I’m angry. I’m so frustrated.

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3 thoughts on “Pour, Drink, Sway, Repeat

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