Thanks to blahpolar diaries, I’m interested in doing this 31 days of bipolar business.
It’s Day 3, but I’ll play a quick catch up!
1. What flavour of bipolar are you? What does your diagnosis mean to you? Well, I was originally diagnosed as bipolar type I. More recently, I was diagnosed as schizoaffective. My diagnoses when I was a teen put a lot of strain on my family and relationships with friends. I was often looked at as a ticking time bomb with depressive episodes so bad, I’d lock myself in my bedroom and go weeks without speaking a word to anyone. My mania was so grandiose that I was hard to understand, hard to control. With a new diagnoses, it means that I now understand how to help myself. Although now, I feel even more hard to manage.
2. What is your baseline mood/state? How does that impact your life? Depression, most definitely. I have my moments of happiness. To the general audience, I’m a very cheerful, optimistic person. At the end of the day, I feel the depression flowing through my body. The worst impact it has is with my long term relationships. When someone meets me, they have the idea that I’m this wonderfully enthusiastic girl with a 24/7 smile on my face. As the months go by, they realize how very different I am- especially at night.
3. How old were you at the onset? How old were you at diagnosis? How were you given the diagnosis and are you satisfied with the way it was handled? At onset, specifically with the depression and psychosis, I was 8 years old. Over the years and through puberty (damn the hormones), it gradually became worse and unbearable. My diagnoses came when I was 16. I was put on lithium shortly thereafter. The problem, however, was that my brother wanted me to get handled via the Church of Scientology. So, my actual medical treatment was cut short. I do believe that if I had stuck to therapy and medication, my suicide attempt and unfathomable depressive episodes wouldn’t have happened like they did.