Micah came to me at work today. I was walking outside and he appeared in the reflection of the window outside. It scared me and I jumped. Micah is very tall, about 8 feet.
Then, he stayed with me. He followed behind me and stayed with me. It made me extremely anxious just knowing he was watching me. As I walked down the hallway, he slowly ambled behind me and I could hear his footsteps.
To be honest, it was really terrifying me. Especially because I was at work. There was no where to hide. I couldn’t allow myself to lose control and unravel.
Finally, after a while, I went outside, walked down the street a bit and I asked him aloud, “Micah, why do you walk behind me?” He answered, “I’m the one you feared as a child.”
When I was a child (even to present day), I would get this sudden feeling of someone following me. It would get so bad that I would run. Especially going up stairs. I felt that someone was trying to grab at my ankles.
Then, I told him, “Micah, if you’re going to follow me, walk next to me from now on.” His tall body slowly moved to my right side. Although, yes, he still scared me, we had a moment of understanding. All of those years of being afraid of the man who walked behind me suddenly dissipated once he stood next me. I looked up at Micah and told him, “You’re equal to me now.”
We walked forward and I felt different. I actually smiled to myself. Here I am, thinking to myself how cool I am to be walking down the hallway with Micah. Then I remembered no one else could see him.
I’m beginning to find new hope of working with the others and developing new relationships. Maybe I don’t need to feel terrified when they visit me. Maybe I could even learn to establish a working friendship with Micah. Maybe he needs me to pay attention to him. It’s all going to take a lot of work ad trial and error. But for now, I can accept Micah sitting next to me. I can accept him in my space- even if he begins to speak negatively. At least I can see him and I can speak to him. That’s the first step in communication.
Overall, I’m feeling better about the situation and about him. Thanks to those of you who offer support, as usual 🙂 I don’t think I’d be dealing with everyone as well as I am without you.