Endless

Within the past 48 hours, I have gotten about 3 hours of sleep total. Last night, I heard someone walking around my bed. The floors creaked and groaned as I laid frozen beneath the covers. Every time I closed my eyes, a dark vision of stretched out faces danced within the walls of my mind. I’m getting ready for work now. Once again, I am exhausted. It almost brings me to tears (although, I could just be overly emotional due to my lack of sleep) to go to work knowing I am completely alone in this. I’ll see my coworkers, ask them how their weekend was like we always do. I’ll listen intently to their exciting stories about Keeping Up with the Kardashians reruns and drunk stories from the local bar. They are generally content and ready to work on Monday. Meanwhile, inside of me there is something wretching. They are here with me, clawing at me, narrating my work, critiquing the way I dress, the way I speak. I am worthless, I am insane, I’m getting fired, they all know I’m crazy… Even with all of my friends around me, even with those select few who know what I’m going through won’t stop the intense lonely feeling. Here, in the recess of my mind, I am curled up and the voices are my wet blankets. -SJ

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